Yesterday I...

-Almost ran over a midget with a stroller (I really couldn't see her!)

-Saw a crackhead with trembling hands scraping sugar cookies off of the sidewalk.

-Saw a rooftop chase involving swarms of police and an obese thug. A multitude of cops pinned the porky criminal down on a rooftop right outside my window. It's nice living on the 21st floor, you get an aerial view of all the metropolitan action.

...And that is why I love you New York.