Let's Get to The Root of The Issue, Folks

"Dental plan!
Lisa needs braces!
Dental plan!
Lisa needs braces!"

Oh Lenny. Oh Marge Simpson, I so know what you mean.

Two days into the New Year and I'm off to a great start. For the last few moments of 2007, and the first few moments of 2008 I was able to ring in a New Year with someone (for once) that I adore and care for very much. However, later that night while lying in bed, I was tossing and turning due to throbbing fits of pain all taking place inside my mouth. I was even inspired to write a haiku about it the next morning:

Nerve always throbbing
Root canal too expensive
Pain is so lousy

You want to know what's more expensive than one root canal? Three! That's right, after deciding that two days of unrelenting, skull crushing pain was a bit too much for a dose of Advil to challenge, I ventured on over to the dentist. One quick X-ray and it became evident that I immediately needed three root canals and that there's a massive infection above the dead tooth. It's always comforting to know that you're hosting a colony of pus bandits that desperately need to be excommunicated from your gums. The procedures began today and will pick up again come Monday.

I'm not really upset about the fact that an abscess tooth could've killed me. At this point, death would be lovely. I'm distraught because thanks to the fact that I have absolutely no dental plan, I will be paying around $5,000.00 (out of pocket none the less) for my friggin' teeth. Bye, bye Christmas Bonus! We hardly knew ye.

I may just have to turn tricks to pay for this. I will literally be a toothless whore if that's the case.