Bob Dylan Puts It Well

I recently had the pleasure of viewing No Direction Home, the seemingly endless Martin Scorsese documentary about Bob Dylan's grand entrance and rise in the 60's music scene. Dylan himself was interviewed throughout, and had one particularly strong and wise statement about what it means to be an artist:

"An artist has got to be careful never to really arrive at a place where he thinks he's at somewhere. You always have to realize that you're constantly in a state of becoming. And...as long as you can stay in that realm, you'll be sorta alright."

I think that guy's going places.

I Miss My Aunt Laurie

I realize that the title of this blog may make it seem that the Aunt in question is dead or something. Rest assured, she's a fitness queen who happens to be in tip-top shape. However, she is 3,000 miles away from me and that stinks for two reasons:

1) She's a hoot and I only get to visit with her once a year.
2) She makes a delicious pumpkin cake that I get to eat only once a year.

I was walking home from my bus stop this morning and, for whatever reason, was blessed with a random yet hilarious memory of something she once said. Many moons ago, when I was about sixteen, my Grandma received the unfortunate diagnosis of *Stage Two Breast cancer. Are you rolling with laughter yet? Stifle those chuckles, folks, it gets better. Mind you, my family doesn't get all morose or sappy when riddled with a crisis. In fact, when enduring a tragic event, our senses of humor are usually in top-form.

A few days after my Grandmother had a mastectomy on her left breast, the three of us (Aunt, Grandma, myself) went to "Applebees" for lunch. Towards the end of our meal, a little old charming man came up to our table and graced my Grandma with the compliment, "I just thought you ought to know, you sure are a beautiful woman!"

We all responded by cooing with appreciation, and as he walked away, my Aunt remarked, "Aw, that's so sweet. I wonder if I should have told him she just had one of her boobs chopped off?"

That memory immediately triggered another similar one. Once, the same Aunt had just had an explosive fight with her ex-husband in front of my Grandparents and brother at a restaurant. Everyone was nervous and tense (due to the aforementioned fight) and trying to sort out the bill and tip. My Aunt broke the tension by blatantly suggesting, "We could leave a penis tip!" Ah, nothing like a good castration joke at an ex-husband's expense.

And so, as I wandered up Park Avenue today and thought of those infamous one-liners, I laughed out loud...all to myself and wishing my Aunt was there next to me.



*My 85-year-old Grandma is still alive and thrivin'. She's been in remission for about eight years. So go eat poop, cancer.

Just When I Thought We Couldn't Export Any More Labor...

see more pwn and owned pictures

Here's Something I Never Thought I'd See in My Lifetime...

A black president and this in one year? Doth my ears deceive me?! What's next, the Vatican is going to start treating gays and lesbians like actual human beings?

Holy Shite Muslim, it's about time that the church came to its senses.

Hunk Azaria

What can I say? The man drives me wild. I love my hunky Hebrews in general, however, I've had a heaving crush on Hank Azaria for as long as I've been memorably conscious. He first whispered sweet nothings in my ear through the various voices of Simpson's characters. I'm happy to report he just affirmed my life long lust for him with "Huff," a brilliant but canceled drama that aired on Showtime from 2004-2006. I just devoured the first (and only) two seasons over the past two weeks and not only was it a hunk of hank, but it was the first show since "Six Feet Under" that I've been this excited about.

I'm incensed that currently in entertainment existence there's a show called "Drag Race" (think America's Next Top Drag Queen and replace Tyra with Ru Paul) as well as an ill timed release of "Confessions of a Shopaholic." A film that pays no attention or sensitivity to the dire economic peril this country is in and glorifies vapid consumption as a way of life and a path to happiness. I won't even touch on its hideous stereotypes of women.

Why is it that shit shows and movies like those exist and thrive in droves, yet, a truly gorgeous series like "Huff" ...with its complex, realistic, emotionally rattling, hilarious, layered characters and plots are given the axe after their second season?

Third Time's the Charm

Tomorrow will mark my third anniversary of living in New York City. Each year, I write a saccharine blog waxing romantic about what the city has stirred within me. For fun's sake this year, I think I'll time-travel and share a ridiculous yet amusing email I wrote to my Aunt after my second month of living here:

Hi Aunt Laurie,

I truly am having a ball. Let me tell you something: the city may make you happy, make you sad- but it will never make you bored. The other day, my friend was handing out flyers (she works for a modeling/ promotion agency that's mostly promotion) all day in Greenwich Village and during a work break she walked into a Starbucks and saw a homeless man that looked reminiscent of a Leprechaun, washing his hands with milk. He had green fingernail polish on to boot. It was Pine Cone Dave funny.

Did I tell you I saw Phillip Seymour Hoffman as I was walking home from the theater I had just seen "Capote" at? Is that ironic? Or just weird? I made eye contact with him but didn't say anything. He appeared to be having a serious conversation with some chums.

I've already registered for some dance classes and start tonight at the Broadway Dance Center, one of the best in the city! I'm really thrilled and thriving!

Love Always,
Chazzles

Few points of clarification:

1) Pine Cone Dave is a dead bi-polar uncle of mine that would do unusual things constantly, hence the bi-polar thing. On a family camping trip eons ago, he disappeared for hours without notice. Upon his return, he had his arms filmed with pine cones that he had collected. He then proceeded to offer one to each family member for no apparent reason, other than he found pine cones to be neat. Ergo, if something is "Pine Cone Dave" funny, it's usually a circumstance that is absurdly random and senseless.

2) I've seen Phillip Seymour Hoffman two more times since that original sighting AND I eventually met/hung out with his personal assistant once. She had nothing but nice things to say about him.

3) "I'm really thrilled and thriving!" I'm still a complete asshat, nice to know some things never change.

4) I still love NYC and can't wait to keep movin'on up Jefferson's style. Next month, I'm moving into my own brand-spanking-new, swank studio on the Upper East Side. Hell yeah.

This Is Why I Love My Friends...